Thursday, July 1, 2010

Alternate Meanings

The Washington Post has a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words, and the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

To read the missing numbers (which may be offensive to some), please click on comments.

4 comments:

  1. 4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

    5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

    9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

    11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

    13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

    16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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  2. Oh my God, this made me laugh so hard! I think testicle and pokemon are my favourite.;) Who comes up with such things? haha

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  3. My favorite is willy-nilly. Some people are so clever.

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  4. Willy nilly, oh dear me Mary.

    A, "mild," form of castration maybe!!!!!!!

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